The real dirt on John Kerry and his family

People just don't understand the moral danger we're in from this election.  You need to know the real dirt about John Kerry and his family, before you vote.  I've got the links to back up each of these allegations, or at least to point you in the right direction.

Did you know, for instance, that while aboard his Swift Boat, with the American flag streaming from its stern, Kerry regularly engaged in piscatory activities with several of his crewmen — at the same time?  In fact, Douglas Brinkley's Tour of Duty (at page 200) reveals that Kerry regularly permitted such activities to be conducted with exploding grenades!  And they followed these activities with repeated gustatory rituals involving hot coals burned in a small grill.  They actually bragged about this to crews from other boats.

This from a self-described former altar boy — who, it's rumored, enthusiastically engaged in proselytism of homo sapiens, both while on and off of church grounds. And there are credible rumors that as a boy he took advantage of his family's foreign travels to become a practicing philatelist, too.  I suppose that made his parents proud, do you think?

Why, did you know at Boston College Law School, John Kerry openly matriculated with each and every one of the young women students who began classes there at the same time he did?  He did so publicly, apparently without any shame, and without getting their permission first or apologizing afterwards — even though he was already married himself, and some of them were too!

Unfortunately, this runs through the whole Kerry family.  Remember that "integrity, integrity, integrity" line from the debate?  What would you think if you knew that John Kerry's mother was hospitalized at the time from complications related to her diagnosed status as a sexagenarian?

What's more, his daughter Alex is a self-admitted practicing thespian, and has even accepted money for public performances of such acts!  Indeed, you can purchase videos of her public exhibitions of thespianism on certain internet websites, which modesty forbids me to link.

Shockingly, Kerry and his wife regularly permit, even encourage, their male and female children to masticate in each other's presence at the dinner table!  Some of the mastication is rumored to involve Heinz Ketchup, believe it or not.  Apparently, Sen. Kerry and Ms. Heinz-Kerry think these practices are "safe" and "normal" so long as the children use condiments. 

Finally, the entire family have been shamelessly taking part together in hortatory activities, all over the campaign trail!  In fact, if you look closely at film clips from the campaign, you can see that Sen. Kerry engaged in what has presumably been consensual osculation with not only his wife, but also his adult daughters, repeatedly and on a public stage. He makes this a regular part of his campaign appearances, and the audiences all cheer!  Whether Sen. Kerry's cheeky display of osculation with First Lady Laura Bush's most accessible integumentary organ after each of the debates was consensual or not, I suppose we'd have to ask her.  At least, unlike Al Gore's activities with his own wife in the 2000 campaign, Sen. Kerry hasn't been observed in lingual osculation involving his own wife's, or any other woman's, sulcus terminalis or oropharynx.  But who's to say that won't happen the next time they're on stage?

Sen. Kerry's campaign has yet to deny any of these shocking allegations.  This is, as we say in the blogosphere, developing ....

(Hat-tip to my reader Steve T. and to Bill Garvin, with apologies to George Smathers.)