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Sunday, August 22, 2004

Funniest line I've heard today: Kerry on SwiftVets' secret motivation

John Kerry is nuanced, and obviously extremely perceptive.  A gifted natural psychoanalyst, he's now divined, and chosen to share with us, his keen insights into the real motivations of the SwiftVets, as reported by the Chicago Sun-Times today (boldface added):

Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry on Saturday night urged President Bush to ''stand up and stop'' what he called personal attacks on him over his combat record in Vietnam.

At a fund-raiser, Kerry said the attacks by a group of Vietnam veterans and former swift boat commanders have intensified ''because in the last months they have seen me climbing in America's understanding that I know how to fight a smarter and more effective war'' against terrorists.

''That's why they're attacking my credibility. That's why they've personally gone after me. The president needs to stand up and stop that. The president needs to have the courage to talk about it.''

I thought maybe the Sun-Times was just confused and had perhaps misquoted Sen. Kerry.  But no, here it is from Reuters, too:

"We're at war," he said. "But this is a different kind of war from any kind of war we've fought before, and it's because in the last months they have seen me climbing in America's understanding that I know how to fight a smarter and more effective war, that's why they are trying to attack."

Well.  So now I guess the secret's out:  The SwiftVets are actually not tools of Dubya, but of Osama bin Laden.  I guess this will put a definitive end to all that carping about Cambodia and medals and stuff. 


Suspected SwiftVets and Karl Rove associate 'Barney' in a 1994 mugshotAlso in today's news, the Dallas Morning News reveals (reg. req'd) that the individual pegged by the NYT and the Kerry campaign's FEC complaint as being the key linkpin between Dubya Rove & Co.'s VWRC and the SwiftVets โ€” Dallas media consultant Merrie Spaeth โ€” has also included Barney the Purple Dinosaur among her clients.  Revelation of this blatant SwiftVets-Purple Dinosaur connection, however, raises obvious questions regarding possible links between bin Laden and Barney that went entirely unaddressed in the recent report of the 9/11 Commission. 

Moreover, the Morning News reports that in 1964, Spaeth "co-starred with [Peter] Sellers and Angela Lansbury in a well-received movie called The World of Henry Orient, playing a Manhattan prep-school girl with a crush on an eccentric pianist."  This raises more questions than it answers, however, as it had previously been assumed by reputable media sources that Mr. Sellers' ghost, stuck in its later persona of Inspector Jacques Clouseau, had been a key advisor to the Kerry campaign.  No eccentric pianists could be reached by BeldarBlog's investigative journalist for comment.

As they say, "developing ...."

Posted by Beldar at 06:06 PM in Humor, Politics (2006 & earlier), SwiftVets | Permalink


Other weblog posts, if any, whose authors have linked to Funniest line I've heard today: Kerry on SwiftVets' secret motivation and sent a trackback ping are listed here:


(1) Al made the following comment | Aug 22, 2004 7:37:30 PM | Permalink

Bush uses a Mac.
Al Gore is on Apple's Board of Directors.

So, get MoveOn to stop colluding with the evil Bushies!

(2) Paul Zrimsek made the following comment | Aug 22, 2004 7:54:37 PM | Permalink

In light of Jerry Falwell's notorious remarks blaming 9/11 on America's sins, we may also have to add the Teletubbies to the web of connections.

(3) Robert Crawford made the following comment | Aug 22, 2004 8:50:01 PM | Permalink

Don't forget the infamous pictures of Bert (of Bert and Ernie fame) with Osama! That brings the entire Corporation for Public Broadcasting into question!

(4) Steven Jens made the following comment | Aug 22, 2004 9:59:01 PM | Permalink

Angela Lansbury, the evil woman in The Manchurian Candidate? That *is* troubling...

(5) Patrick made the following comment | Aug 22, 2004 11:34:07 PM | Permalink

Quick, someone add Barney the Dinosaur to the 'network of suspicious links' in the VRWC.

The Barney-Bert-Teletubby Conspiracy must be exposed!

As for Kerry's bloviations - Strunk&White, sir, S&W: Omit needless words!

here is what he is really saying
"war ... fight ... attack"

(6) Anony Mous made the following comment | Aug 23, 2004 12:12:04 AM | Permalink

Swiftvets are really funded by Hillary. She would be the obvious choice if Kerry falls off the boat.

(7) MacUser made the following comment | Aug 23, 2004 12:42:41 AM | Permalink

Al, are you sure Bush uses a Macintosh? I can't imagine he gets very good customer support, even if he pays for the stupid AppleCare....

(8) Veeshir made the following comment | Aug 23, 2004 5:14:46 AM | Permalink

I saw Kerry say that, I wish I was a reporter when he did. I had my follow-up question all ready,
"Senator, are you saying that Vietnam was a smart and effective war?"
But then, that's probably why I'm not a reporter.

(9) Johnlouis Swaine made the following comment | Aug 23, 2004 9:07:43 AM | Permalink

Well there's conflicting reports on Bush's computer preference.

The 'Bush uses a mac' theory is mostly a result of a photo that was taken of him in the oval office with a Mac on his desk, however one of his aides has reportedly said that he actually uses a Dell, which would make more sense - Dell being a Texas homegrown company after all.

No idea what the correct answer is :D

(10) DOROTHY MORGAN made the following comment | Oct 13, 2004 9:40:27 PM | Permalink

Heard on radio today, can someone confirm this??? Supposedly John Kerry applied for an updated military discharge last year and got it. Why did he need to change discharge status, and when is he going to release HIS military records? I think there are 4 or 5 types of discharges.

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