« The Pryor appointment (and the NYT's continuing efforts to smear him) | Main | Beldar as Polonius: Roe redux in the Fifth Circuit »

Saturday, February 21, 2004

What Secret Service codename for Kerry?

ABC News reports that Democratic presidential contender John Kerry "woke up under the watchful eye of the U.S. Secret Service today, fresh evidence of his front-runner status as a contender for a run at the White House":

And the guessing game has begun: what sleek Secret Service codename will be assigned to Kerry and his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry?

Traditionally, Democratic candidates are labeled with short distinctive names starting with "D" — Jimmy Carter was Dasher, and later Deacon, his wife Dancer — while Republicans are "R" — Ronald Reagan was Rawhide and Nancy was Rainbow.

Let's help the Secret Service out here, shall we? Hmmm, appropriate, short, distinctive names starting with "D" ...

  • I can't find a synonym that starts with D for my favorite Kerry nickname (as bestowed by Kevin Whited) — "Cabana Boy." Shucks.

  • "Duplicitous" is, I suppose, a bit polysyllabic to use on a walkie-talkie. And we probably ought to stick to nouns.

  • "Deceiver" sounds too much like "Receiver"; again, likely to cause confusion on the walkie-talkies.

  • "Doublecrosser" would certainly fit with his role as an antiwar protestor who accused his former comrades of widespread war crimes in Vietnam. Not very distinctive, though, when we're talking about politicians.

  • "Disdainer" is an odd noun, and too reminiscent of a recent blue-dress scandal involving another D-codenamed protectee.

  • "Demagogue" is another one that gets misspelled a lot, and might be confused too easily with "demi-god."

  • "Drone" is short, sweet, and apt in several ways. Yeah, that's my favorite so far. "[kiiiiiiiih-KUP!] Unit One, this is Unit Two — Drone has finally finished his speech and is headed for his limo to join Dillpickle, over!" Yup, works for me.

Comments are open! Gentlemen and ladies, start your thesauri!

Posted by Beldar at 09:04 AM in Humor, Politics (2006 & earlier) | Permalink


Other weblog posts, if any, whose authors have linked to What Secret Service codename for Kerry? and sent a trackback ping are listed here:


(1) Skip Perry made the following comment | Feb 22, 2004 1:02:39 AM | Permalink

The first four names I thought up were vulgar...I think I'll leave this to other people :)

(2) John Cunningham made the following comment | Feb 22, 2004 1:45:49 AM | Permalink

some good choices! A blogger recently started referring to Kerry as "Treebeard," which I really like.

(3) kevin whited made the following comment | Feb 23, 2004 7:41:35 AM | Permalink

I can't actually claim credit for "Cabana Boy" which Orrin Judd has been using much longer. But I do obviously like it. :)

(4) Owen Courrèges made the following comment | Feb 23, 2004 1:35:59 PM | Permalink

How about 'Dip' or 'Doofus?' Or perhaps just 'Dung?'

Aw, I got nothin'.

(5) Beldar made the following comment | Feb 23, 2004 3:10:32 PM | Permalink

For some reason, Owen, that last line cracked me up. Thanks!

The reason I think that — except for its lack of the requisite initial D — "Cabana Boy" is better than "Drone" is perhaps that it's less obviously derogatory. "Whadya got against cabanas, Mister? The Demmercraddick Pardy's 'sposed to reppersent da workin' man, idn't a Cabana Boy wunna dere own?" It's only when you imagine the phrase in a "Mrs. Thurston ('Lovie') Howell"-voice — "Oh Cabana Boy! Would you bring me a towel?" — that it starts to bite.

More re "Drone":   I've been looking in the lists of defense and intelligence-gathering systems Kerry's opposed or voted to defund, and I haven't yet seen the Predator Drones that they've used to good effect lately. Of course, those are noble, if unmanned, aircraft — hence my easy association of that word, "drone," with Sen. Kerry, eh? I positively did not have in mind either male hive insects or the sound of his voice!

I spent a while musing today about "Dastard," the noun form of "dastardly," which is almost obscure enough not to be insulting.

Many people hearing it spoken would assume, in fact, that it's a French term, instead of a good English one for "sneaking, malicious coward":

Monsieur Das-TARD! Draw your weapon and prepare to face cold steel!

Or maybe they'd think it was one of those French fighter planes, eh? First the Mirage, then the Dassault, then the Dastard! But ... there is that unfortunate rhyming word.

Damn. This may take a computerized thesaurus on a laptop at a good bar with a decent crowd to figure out. I don't envy those Secret Service nomenclaturists their jobs!

(6) Zarate made the following comment | Feb 24, 2004 2:31:49 PM | Permalink

Let me know which bar you do that at, so I can never go there.

(7) kevin whited made the following comment | Feb 25, 2004 8:17:38 AM | Permalink

Beldar: If you have a laptop with wi-fi, might I suggest the Stag's Head Pub around Shepherd/Greenbriar one of these nights? :)

(8) themightyemu made the following comment | Feb 25, 2004 4:53:23 PM | Permalink

DidyouknowIwasinVietnam? A bit long, but he seems to point out his war record a wee bit much.

(9) AlphaPatriot made the following comment | Feb 26, 2004 6:03:12 PM | Permalink

Drone is quite droll; I like it.

I came up with Dodger, named after the child pickpocket and thief Artful Dodger from the Dickens book Oliver (although "Dickens" has a certain quaint double meaning and could be a good choice).

"Dresden" may be particularly apt, considering what is almost certain to occur in November.

But in the end I have to say "Dino", in honor of the Flintstone's dog, because it also means "little sword" -- which suggests a delightful double entendre.

The comments to this entry are closed.